Gratitude | Day 2 | This Life

My Life

I have a crazy life.

I have a messy life.

I have a beautiful life.

Anytime I describe what it’s like being a stay at home mom, and a full-time wife…those words echo in my head. Crazy. Messy. Beautiful.

Most days, everyday, I feel like I fail. I feel like I can’t live up to this expectation that I see on social media of all of these other moms and their perfectly-spotless homes. Their beautiful faces and clean hair. Their kids who take these pictures that really are magazine worthy.

Today is one of those days where I didn’t even want to write my gratitude piece- and people- it’s only Day Two! I have screamed, stomped, and dealt with two stubborn boys. All. Day. I was sitting in Wild One’s rocker, surveying the mess of his room and I just felt a slight tug on my heart.

I love my life. Mr. and me decided to do this life together. We chose for me to raise these crazy, stubborn, 100% American made boys. I am done with this day. I am done with parenting today. I am ready to put this day to bed like these little people running around me; ignoring the fact that I’m not even concerned with them running around in a diaper and macaroni clad shirt.

My life is hard. It can be lonely. It can be maddening…but it also has tender moments of love. Cuddles, and snotty kisses.

I am blessed to have this crazy, messy, beautiful life. I am grateful.

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What’s Your Favorite Pie?

Sweets. I love them. I often say that I don’t have a sweet tooth; all of my teeth are vying for that coveted title. What can I say? Dessert is one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world.  *That can attest to the fact that I am still working on getting rid of the extra 30 pounds of baby weight I am still carrying around.*  (We’ll just save that for another blog.)

Have you ever noticed that on a menu- pie is always an option? I don’t understand. Pie is one dessert I can pass up. I won’t even give it a second glance- but there is one pie out there that lingers long after you eat it. It may not even be that satisfying. I know, you’re thinking- what? No way. There is though…

Humble Pie.

I got served a big piece of it yesterday from Monster. So let me catch you up to speed. Yesterday was a day where I didn’t get a shower until Noon and I didn’t get to brush my teeth until two. I was over-worked. I was over-tired. I was out right mean to my three-year-old.

Wild Thing had gone for his six-month checkup, on Tuesday, and received his shots. He was fine…until it was time for the house to sleep that night. In total Mr. and I got about four hours of sleep Tuesday night into Wednesday. Monster woke up early (and he’s one that once he’s up- he’s up. He takes that after his Daddy.) Wild Thing was up just a little after I got Monster settled and eating breakfast.

I won’t give you all the details, but once I served Monster, Wild Thing cried for two hours straight. TWO HOURS. This is totally and completely out of his character. I knew it was all because of his shots. He didn’t want to be worn. He didn’t want to be naked. All he wanted was for Momma to hold him- which I did. For the millisecond that he wasn’t in my arms, Monster grabbed him and Wild Thing started his crying fit all over again…

That. Was. It.

I yelled. I completely took my fatigue out on him. He got upset that I was upset, and left me alone with crying Wild Thing. I thought, ‘I don’t even care. He can stay in his room all day. I don’t even care.’ I walked Wild Thing to his room to rock him. Thankfully he fell asleep quickly. Monster comes in as soon as Wild Thing drifts off and asks me if I’d like for him to turn the light off.

Cue tears.  Cue Momma-guilt.

I felt like a failure as a mother. I cannot describe what it is like to be needed by both of your boys and you have to pick one over the other; because at that moment one needs you more than the other. I know Monster didn’t see this- or even feel like I was picking his brother over him. He selflessly came in and asked if he could do something so simple to help out his Momma, you know- this one, the one that just ripped him a new one not 7 minutes earlier. Yea, he was ready and willing to help me out even though I acted like a monster towards him.

Cut the pie. Place it on the serving tray. Place in front of Momma.

Wild Thing finally went down for a 4.5-hour nap and I was able to walk up to Monster and apologize.   I told him I was sorry for yelling at him. That I was tired, and just like when he gets tired- and he gets mean…that’s what happened to Momma.

He just looked at me and said, “It’s OK. I love you just the way you are.” (WHAT?! Who is this kid and where did he hear Bruno?) Then hugged me. Talk about seeing grace! I hate that these roles were reversed and I was the one who acted like the three-year-old, and he the parent.

I’m thankful that each day is new, and that my little Monster is so forgiving of me- when I can hold onto things, and continually make myself feel like an inadequate mother. I am thankful that Monster has seen over his little span of life how easy it is to say you’re sorry and ask for someone to forgive you. I’m thankful that he has seen love everyday.

So to all of the Mommas (and Daddies) out there- one thing I hope you take away from this rambling story from my life, is to always admit your wrongs to your kiddos. Never be afraid to tell them you’re sorry when YOU have crossed a line. Always remember to show them love- no matter how much of a jerk you think you are for acting the way you did…they think you hung the moon.

So until next time, I’ll be sitting alone eating my Humble Pie- wishing it were a piece of chocolate cake- watching my Monster and Wild Thing grow with this everyday love.