I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that God let this horrible event happen. That was the question that I kept asking Mr. He didn’t know what to say to me. Not very many people did. I can tell you a lot of people said things that I look back on now, and think no one should ever say that to someone who miscarried. (That will be addressed in a later post).
So, here I am sitting in the sanctuary. Not signing any songs. Not participating in communion. I simply was a warm body sitting in a seat, waiting for this entire thing to be over with. I had wanted nothing to do with church this morning. I certainly wanted nothing to do with God. (Remember, I’m only here because my husband MADE me come with him.)
As communion is being passed around, I make a point to thumb through the bulletin to see what’s going to be going on within the next few weeks at church. (Habit) I look at the spot that gives a short summary of what the message is going to be about, “MUTE: Silence is when faith is the loudest”. I sat in the pew and thought, “Yea, you’ve been giving me the silent treatment. Are you finally going to talk to me? I’ve been begging you for answers, and you haven’t even attempted to respond to one.”
Just some background:
As a church, we had been studying The Bible in chronologic order. Our teaching pastor was going to be talking about the ‘silent years’. There was nearly 400 years that went by between Malachi (last book of the Old Testament) and Matthew (first book of the New Testament). Many people thought God was silent- on mute- to the people living during those years.
As our pastor starts speaking, I feel the room go empty. I feel like he is speaking directly to me. He opened his sermon with, “What to do when you think God is giving you the silent treatment?”
For the next half hour I sat, and listened. God was finally answering my questions. First, I learned that I was demanding God to answer me. I didn’t have my heart in the right place to even consider asking God why He called my baby home before I got to meet them.
I learned that God is still at work, while there is silence.
I learned that God still keeps His promises, while there is silence.
Isaiah 49:10 The Message
When the time is ripe, I answer you. When victory’s due, I help you.
Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Revelation 21:4-5 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or sadness. There will be no more crying or pain. Things are no longer the way they used to be.” He who was sitting on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down. You can trust these words. They are true.”
Romans 8:28 New Kings James Version
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Philippians 1:6 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)
I am sure that the One who began a good work in you will carry it on until it is completed. That will be on the day Christ Jesus returns.
I learned that God is still watching, while there is silence.
Job 23:8-12 New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)
8 “But if I go to the east, God isn’t there. If I go to the west, I don’t find him. 9 When he’s working in the north, I don’t see him there. When he turns to the south, I don’t see him there either. 10 But he knows every step I take. When he has put me to the test, I’ll come out as pure as gold. 11 My feet have closely followed his steps. I’ve stayed on his path without turning away. 12 I haven’t disobeyed his commands. I’ve treasured his words more than my daily bread.
This is how our pastor summed everything up, and I knew that God had 100% meant for me to hear this sermon. My pastor said, “Think about this. When you were in school, your teachers would do everything they could to prepare you for a test. They made up fun lessons. They let you work in groups. They had you complete individual work. They were always there; ready to help whenever you needed it.
Now, when test day came– they were silent. They never left the room. They were there watching you, and not saying a thing.
God does the same thing. He is always there. He’s always watching you- and sometimes He doesn’t say a thing.” Ok, God, you have my attention.