Gratitude | Day 11 | Veterans Day

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Happy Veterans Day! Thank you to my friends and family who know how special a country we live in. Thank you for fighting for our safety, our Constitution, and for me to say and post whatever I want to to social media and this blog. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else, America is the best!! ❤️💙🇺🇸❤️💙

Here’s a special shout out to my favorite Veteran, my Dad. My Dad is one of the most amazing people you can have in your life. He’s got stories that will make you laugh at his childhood decisions. He’s got love for his family that he’s not afraid to show. He’s got a heart for The Lord, and his country.

My Dad is such a special guy. With his guidance and teachings he showed me: what a man should look like, how to love and serve others, and how to always believe in the Red, White, and Blue. So, this Veteran’s Day…

I am thankful for sacrifice, loyalty, and respect. Those three words that make me think of the men and women who have and are serving in our Armed Forces, but also…My Dad.

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Gratitude | Day 6 | Laughter

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Laughter is amazing!  It doesn’t matter what makes me laugh…endorphins take over and my mood can switch in an instant.  Usually my favorite kind of laughter comes from laughing with the ones I love.

I have an ugly laughing face, but the older I get, the less I care less how I look when I laugh.  I embrace every laugh I can; I absolutely love a good belly laugh.  I am thankful for laughter.  I am grateful for the way it makes me feel.

Bitter or Better?

First, I’d like to thank you for sticking around and reading my story.  Second I have to say that my thoughts, and these words are dedicated to Baby One. Baby One does have a name. Their name is Kimble, after my Papaw. I always said that my first child would be named after him. From the moment I took my first pregnancy test, and it was positive, they had already had a name.

I tired to name Monster Kimble, but it just didn’t feel right. I feel that now is the time to tell you that we held onto the name Kimble because it was already taken. Our sweet little baby in Heaven is walking the streets of gold with their great-grandfather, whom is their namesake. Baby Kimble crosses my mind everyday! There isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t thought about where we would be if she had lived. I think about who she would look like, what she would sound like, who she would act like!

Then I also have the thought that if Baby Kimble had survived, I would not have my Monster or my Wild One. I can’t imagine my life without these two boys. I am grateful that Baby Kimble thought it was fit to let her brother, Monster come to this side of Heaven. I am forever grateful.

I titled my story ‘Becoming the New Me’ because I am no longer the girl you used to know. I am a newer and better version of the old me. I feel that I have overcome the lowest low I have ever faced- and for that I am thankful.

I know I was able to overcome my miscarriage because of my family- especially my Dad. I was able to overcome because of friends who stood by me when I got mean and nasty and didn’t judge me for the way I was acting. Lastly, Mr. helped me a lot.

I can’t speak for my Mr. I know he had a really hard job trying to keep it together for me; but I never once thought about him- and what he was going through. He had lost a baby too. I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling and myself; I forgot to see how my Mr. was. Husbands of wives who have miscarried have THE hardest job in the world. I can’t even begin to describe it to you.

This post will conclude my journey through miscarrying- but I do hope you read this particular post with an open heart and an open mind.

I want to share with you a sermon that was preached by our Senior Pastor at church March 30, 2014. This friend makes me fill like I have finally come full circle. The title of the sermon was, “Never Once: A Song for Suffering.” Our Senior Pastor taught out of the book of Psalms that morning…and I want to share with you what I learned. I want you to see that even though I went on this terrible journey- God was with me. God was for me. God carried me through it.

Psalm 13

New International Version (NIV)

A psalm of David

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Sound familiar? It seems that God is distant to David; David feels abandoned. I can totally relate- been there, done that, and I have burned that t-shirt. Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you didn’t suffer a miscarriage, but you have faced some type of anguish in your life? Obviously this feeling of abandonment from God is something we face…I mean David of all people had felt it. (This David is the David that killed Goliath, with a slingshot and stone. How could HE feel this way? So I am not alone?…)

Check out the next two verses:

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.

David begins with a ‘sigh’ and ends in a song. God will never leave your side! Some suffering we can’t explain- that’s OK though- there is a purpose! Sometimes suffering leads to maturity and will be used for future services. When we go through pain and suffer…it will either drive you to The Lord or away from Him.

Because of my suffering, I feel that I have a better relationship with God. I have a stronger marriage. I have a love for my Little Boy that I could NEVER explain to you. God entrusted this baby boy to Mr. and myself- you best believe I am forever thankful. He is so special…and I know that every mother feels this way. When you lose a baby, and are given a second chance- the love you have is entirely different. I can’t explain it- but I know mothers out there who are in the exact same position as me get it.

As this part of my story comes to an end, I want to thank you for reading my blog about my experience. I know that I am not the only woman to experience this. I looked everywhere for something to help me cope with my loss. There are no books out there on miscarrying that really were able to convey how I was feeling. If you have stumbled upon this blog- I hope that I have been able to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope that you were able to learn something from my posts. I also hope that you never have to go through what I went through. We will have times of suffering in life. I hope that I can leave you with a few scriptures that have been very helpful when it comes to suffering.

John 16:33 New Living Translation (NLT)

33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

John 10:10 New King James Version (NKJV)

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Psalm 56:3 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.

Psalm 23 New King James Version (NKJV)

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.  He restores my soul;
 He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; 
You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

What I have learned is not to blame God. Trust God. Trust that He will overcome the devil and his ploys. So when you face adversity, does it make you bitter or better?

One Less “Like”

So February 2017 was a pretty difficult month for your ‘ol pal here.  I didn’t get around to making you guys a ‘favorite’s list’ for the month because my mind has been so preoccupied.  February was just really hard for me.

 To sum it up for you, I lost a very dear friend last month.  I mean this was a person who feels like my brother.  I am still grieving like I lost my brother.  I am hoping with writing this, I can in some way share his sweet spirit with you- but also heal a little bit.

 Now before I write anything else, let me tell you abut my friend.  He and I met in preschool.  We were three years old when we met!  He had big brown eyes and was the funniest person I can remember from those days.  After we graduated preschool we ended up going to the same elementary school where we were in each other’s class every year but for third grade.

 We got split in middle school, but we reconnected because we were both in band…and played clarinet.  (Until our teacher moved him to play oboe.)  We then went on to be in the same classes all throughout high school.  Now, granted, we didn’t run around with the same crowd- neither one of us really fit into one group, we both were friends with everyone.  BUT we always had each other’s back.  We could let our guard down with each other.  We could speak openly and honestly with each other.  We loved each other like we were siblings.

After graduation, we kept in touch through MySpace and then moved onto bigger and better things once everyone was allowed the use of Facebook.  We had the kind of relationship that it didn’t matter how long we hadn’t seen each other, we picked up right were we last left off.  We had the kind of friendship that only comes around once in a lifetime.  I could always count on him- he knew he could always count on me.

 That being said, fast-forward to February 2017 and my world was rocked.  I found out that I had lost my longest and dearest friendship.  This was a friendship that I had invested a lot of time and love into; and I found out about his loss on social media.  When I read someone’s status about his passing, I literally had to fight to breath.  I was shocked.  I’m still shocked.

Granted, it’s still very real, it’s very raw…yesterday was a day that I cried again for my friend.  I thought I had cried all of my tears.  I cried because I posted my son’s monthly picture to social media, and my friend was always one to “like” my picture.  I cried because he wasn’t going to like any more of my pictures.  I cried because I wasn’t going to receive any more messages telling me how cute my little guy is.  I cried because I am sad; I’m sad that my friend is no longer with me.

It’s crazy the way grief works.  It’s crazy how realizing that one less “like” can make you cry all over again.  It’s crazy how it can take a seeming less picture post, and make you feel all of the emotions you felt when you got the shocking news of losing your friend.

I am here to tell you though, I do have hope; I have hope in Jesus.  One of the last conversations I had with my friend, I shared Jesus with him.  I am happy to share Jesus with you, too.  I feel like it is a way that I can honor my friend.

 Jesus.  Jesus loves you and all of your baggage.  He loves you when you are mean.  He loves you when you are sad.  He loves your good, your bad, and your very ugly.  Jesus loves you so much that he left a perfect paradise to walk among us- so he can sympathize with us.  He loves you so much that he left his home, and made one among us, so he could feel what you feel.  Jesus loves you so much that he died for you.  He died so you can live!

 All you have to do is whisper His name.  He’s willing and ready to listen.  He wants you to talk to him.  He wants to bring you comfort, love, joy, and hope.  Jesus loves.  Jesus saves.  Let me tell you, I am so thankful for that.

 With the loss of my friend, I do feel like I need to take the time to tell his family how much I love them, and that I am still praying for them.  You guys…you all are in so many good memories I have with Drew.  I can’t thank you enough for encouraging and nurturing our friendship.   I am so thankful that you’ve been able to share in so many incredible memories over the years.  Thank you so much for letting Drew and me be friends.  Thank you for teaching him how to love others, respect others, and invest in others.  I am forever grateful for the memories I have with you guys, and our Drew-boy.   I love you all, just as much as I love Drew.

Love, Laughter, Happily Ever-after

I honestly could not wait to become Mrs. My husband and I have known each other since I was in second grade, and he in third.  He moved here from Indiana in 1993.  I remember the day he got on my bus, I just watched him.  This new boy with dark hair and blue eyes; he looked like no other boy I had ever seen.  Granted, I was only 7, I knew there was something special about him.

Slowly but surly, we started to talk and forge a friendship.  He lived in the neighborhood next to mine.  Had a sister who was the same age as my sister, and played baseball.  He would sit next to me on the bus and we would just talk.  This was the extent of our elementary school relationship, talking, getting to know one another, and listening to what we had to say.

As we grew into middle schoolers, our talks got a little more serious.  We would talk on the bus…and we would even call each other on our house phones!  (Yes, we had to endure our parents answering the phone, and asking permission to speak to our friend.)  As serious as a child in middle school can talk and hold onto a conversation, our talks would include what teachers were hard, how I should do this or that to be cool…and we talked about whom we liked!  Of course, neither of us knew that under all of our immaturity, we liked each other.

He started high school a year before me…I had moved and no longer lived a few streets away from him…we lost touch.  We would see each other around town, say a quick hello, and go on with our lives.  It wasn’t until I started high school did he realize that we needed to be together.  I didn’t realize we needed to be together until I was a junior.  I made him wait two years before I finally realized that he should be mine!

This is just the start of our story.  I tell people all the time that we go back to second and third grade- because we do.  We started to build a relationship as children.  We built it on interests, communication, and trust.  Now, please don’t think that growing into Mr. and Mrs. was a walk in the park.  It wasn’t, but I’ve come to realize how truly special your relationship with your spouse is.  How truly special my relationship is with my Mr.

I wanted to write to you, during the month of February, (where we celebrate “love”) about how special marriage is.  Marriage is not a contract you can break when something “breaks” and you want something else.  Marriage is not trial and error.  Marriage is a covenant, which means you are in for the long hall.  You are in for the good.  You are in for the bad.  And you stay when it gets ugly, really, really ugly.

Marriage is a vow spoken between three: you, your husband, and God.  God owns the copyright of marriage.  He as already written your story…he has written some really good and fun times for you to experience.  He has also written times where you will need to lean on each other to grow closer together.  God has also written times where you will want to run away, forget all of the bad, and give up.  God has written those for you to become closer to your spouse, and ultimately Him.

Marriage is one of the best things that I have ever decided to enter into.  My Mr. and I have had a wonderful seven and half years of marriage.  We have had made some incredible memories.  We have accomplished so much in our 15 official years together. My Mr. is more of a man than I could ever dream of having in my life. We’ve had the good, the bad, and the very ugly- and I can say with my whole heart he has been there for me. God knew that my Mr. was what I needed for my love, my laughter, and my happily ever after.

Wrapping Up Christmas, Wrapping Up 2016

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays! I mean, seriously who doesn’t love the idea of staying home and watching A Christmas Story, eating home made candies, and making traditions come to life with your family? Just simply put, Christmas is fun!

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is Christmas cards. Although, I feel like people think they are a waste, I look forward to that quick walk to the mailbox to see who has sent my family a little Christmas cheer. You can’t beat making someone’s day with a simple card wishing you a joyful season!

So, here I am to give you an idea for those Christmas cards you got. Are you ready? Keep them. Yes- keep them! Here’s what I plan on doing with mine. I plan on placing a Christmas card on our kitchen table, and every night for a week our family is going to pray for the family who’s Christmas card lays on our table.   We received 50 cards this year, so that means my little family will intentionally pray for another family, for a whole week, for the year 2017.

Now you can do whatever you want with your cards…I mean they are yours. But I plan on putting them to good use and spending a little more time reflecting on the person who thought of my little family this past Christmas. It’s an easy way to teach your children about praying for others. It’s a simple way to share gratitude with The Lord. It’s an effortless way to make sure you have a little love in your day!