These are two very simple words with one powerful meaning for someone who is struggling with some deep-rooted issues. Ladies and gentlemen, I was struggling with some deep-rooted issues. I had run away from God, was filled with resentment towards Him, and demanded He answer my questions about why I miscarried.
When you read that, doesn’t it come across as a spoiled little girl who didn’t get her way? Does it come across as someone who looks at herself and thinks she is entitled to something? Does it look like someone who loves The Lord and is thankful for what He has done?
But, let me tell you about how He showed me Grace, even with the behavior I had showed Him. I headed back into work one full week after losing my baby. I had not told my third graders why I would be absent before I had left. When I walked into Room 109 on Monday morning, I had several “I miss you notes” on my desk. We hadn’t even been in school for a month- and these children had missed me?
A former student, who was in 5th grade at the time, came up to me and said, “Where have you been? I missed you.” This particular student and I have a very special bond. I couldn’t lie to her, and she was one of the very first people I told that day about my absences. I looked at her and said, “I had a baby in my belly and they died.” Do you know what this 5th grader did? She hugged me. She hugged me and didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. In that moment, I knew things were going to be OK. It wasn’t going to be an easy road- but I knew I was going to be OK.
God had used a 5th grade girl to let me know that things were going to be all right. I was able to face my class as they all raced into the room, the exact same thing when they asked why I had not been at school. Do you know what these sweet third graders did? They hugged me. They said they were sad for me. They said, “You would be such a great mom.” I will never forget that Monday morning. I was surrounded by love- in the form of 8 year olds.
If God using children in my life to show me love, isn’t a form of showing me His Grace. I don’t know what is. In the moment, I was so thankful for those third graders. They were with me, and cared for me, and didn’t judge me. Of course they went home and told their parents what had happened…
Can I tell you, those parents were just as supportive as my students had been. I received emails, notes, and cards. I even had a few parents stop in after school to check on me. Grace.
Simply put, I had lost my baby. I had been a terrible child to my Heavenly Father, and He showed me Amazing Grace.